How to help a friend navigate an unplanned pregnancy

Your best friend just told you that she’s unexpectedly pregnant… Umm, woah! Maybe you’re shocked, maybe you’re worried, or maybe you have a million questions running through your mind.

This wasn’t part of the plan. You might feel like freaking out…

Pause. Here’s the thing: you can’t freak out. Chances are, your friend is panicking enough for the both of you. What she needs most right now is someone who can take a deep breath and walk through this with her.

Confirmation of Pregnancy

Before she starts thinking about big decisions, the first step is to confirm the pregnancy. Home tests can sometimes be inaccurate and don’t tell the whole story. An obstetrical ultrasound can confirm the viability of the pregnancy, check for signs that may indicate a possible ectopic pregnancy (outside the uterus), and determine how far along she is (Medscape, StatPearls, American Family Physician).

When a pregnancy is viable, an embryo is seen in the uterus, a fetal heartbeat is detected on an ultrasound, and pregnancy hormones are rising as expected. In other words, "a normally developing pregnancy would be deemed viable, whereas early pregnancy loss or miscarriage would not" (American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists).

When a pregnancy is ectopic, a fertilized egg implants outide of the uterus, instead of in the uterine lining where it's meant to grow (Mayo Clinic). While ectopic pregnancies are considered uncommon, it is important to check for them to ensure the mother's safety. Also, in the case of ectopic pregnancy, decisions like parenting, adoption, and abortion do not apply in the usual sense.

The good news is that many pregnancy resource centers offer free limited obstetrical ultrasounds, confirming viability and looking for signs that may indicate the possibility of ectopic pregnancy. This will ensure your friend's safety and give a bigger picture of what's going on.

Pregnancy Options

Once her pregnancy is confirmed, she can begin learning about her options in a safe and supportive environment. She shouldn’t feel rushed, and she deserves clear, accurate information to make the most informed decision.

She might be anxious to make an appointment to receive help, but remind her that there are people who want to walk alongside her and help her navigate through this uncharted territory. Maybe offer to accompany her to the appointment so she doesn’t feel so alone. 

Being the Support

Remember, you don't need to bear the weight of her decision. If you're feeling overwhelmed or discouraged, it's okay to slow down. Your willingness to help guide your friend towards the best possible care shows that you're a good friend.

Supporting a friend through an unplanned pregnancy can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to have all the answers. Just being there, encouraging her to take things one step at a time, and pointing her toward a safe and supportive place makes a world of difference.

For more help navigating unplanned pregnancy:

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Works Cited

American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. “Facts Are Important: Understanding and Navigating Viability.” ACOG, 2025, www.acog.org/advocacy/facts-are-important/understanding-and-navigating-viability

"Early Pregnancy Loss (Embryonic Demise)." Medscape, updated Jan. 18, 2023, https://emedicine.medscape.com/article/2047305-overview.

Mayo Clinic Staff. “Ectopic Pregnancy: Symptoms & Causes.” Mayo Clinic, 12 Mar. 2022, www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/ectopic-pregnancy/symptoms-causes/syc-20372088

Kumar, Malhar, and Sofia Zepeda. "Early Pregnancy Ultrasound." StatPearls, StatPearls Publishing, 24 July 2023, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK551624/.

Silva, Caroline, and Barbara Grassi. "First Trimester Bleeding: Evaluation and Management." American Family Physician, vol. 101, no. 10, 15 May 2020, pp. 599–606, https://www.aafp.org/pubs/afp/issues/2020/0515/p599.html.